Tying up loose ends | ijustneed2talk's Blog
As part of tidying up loose ends for the year, i went to close out an account at a bank I've been a member of since I was a kid. It used to be my main account where my checks were direct Deposited to when I was married. When I first separated from my ex husband last year I kept it open and his checks were also deposited there. We had agreed that I would pay out bills out of this account until we figured things out and he could take the other small account where we attempted to save money but usually spent it on things to have fun. This worked out for about 2 weeks and then he withdrew a bunch of $$ leaving me scrambling to make our house payment. I quickly opened up my own account and only used this one because our life insurances auto withdrew from here. So like a fool I've been paying his life insurance until yesterday. I was the beneficiary but it was really senseless and really time to just move on.
So yesterday as I left the bank for the last time I had memories of the times we were there together conducting one sort of business or the other. Car loans (oh we loved buying cars) and deposits and withdrawals. We were simply a young couple just trying to make ends meet one way or the other. I got $41.41 for all my troubles. My son said "is that all?"
My feelings exactly. I actually think that's the amount i took to open the account . We are going today to open his first savings account.
I really think this is the last detail financially left to handle to separate us. He is no longer the beneficiary on my policy. Wished it was as simple to get him out of my head. It's not that I want him back but old habits die hard. It's easy to be softened up or feel guilty about how I left. Then again I'm certain there will be another slap of reality pretty soon when it comes time to file taxes. We are alternating years claiming our son as a deduction. I'm just waiting for my w2 to be available and file first. It's my year but I wouldn't put it past him to "accidentally" claim him and force me to get the lawyer involved (more $$$-i hate paying him). I have to be careful. I called the mortgage company to update the address so I would get the tax statement and that fucker had changed it to his parents address after I sold the house back in June even though he contributed $0.00 to paying the mortgage last year. He says he wants me back and then pulls shit like this!!
I am ready to move on with my life WITHOUT him but then I look at my little boy who is no longer so little. I wonder what I've done. What will he think? What does he think? He really seems okay with it all. I'm certain time will reveal how this has truly affected him. I struggled through with ex for too many unhappy years . I put a happy face on it but my daughters saw the problems and it really didn't do them any favors. They are so happy I left. They are also very distrusting of men and haven't sustained a relationship past a couple of months . No need for that right now though and better for them to focus on acting like very young adults and figuring out themselves and their lives first before getting seriously involved with someone.
I realize now my errors. I find myself doing some things now at 43 that I should've been doing at 21. Instead of raising a kid, finishing school and starting a career at the same time I should've been having fun, figuring out what I like and don't like. Experience how to relate to people as friends, socially and sexually. I don't have regrets, I know it sounds that way but I do acknowledge a bit of what went wrong. I was in such a hurry to be a grown up and I finally felt like one when I had 2 kids 2 car payments 2 mortgages and 2 dogs at age 27.
So now at 43 -divorced -3 kids- one car payment(and the ghosts of 2 cars past rolled into my current loan) -no mortgage -and trying to balance my own fiscal cliff, I realize I don't know what I like. I ran across a getting to know your partner quiz and I found that not only could I not answer the questions about my former spouse but I couldn't even answer the questions for myself.
There are no comments on this post yet, be the first to leave one!
Previous Postsmy vortex experience, posted November 12th, 2013, 1 comment
number 95, posted September 28th, 2013
i hate him i hate him i hate him, posted August 23rd, 2013, 1 comment
More schtuff, posted August 14th, 2013, 1 comment
The heart of the matter..., posted July 24th, 2013
shopping trip, i felt like a rock star, posted July 19th, 2013, 1 comment
test time, posted July 7th, 2013, 1 comment
shocked...but then again...not really that surprised, posted June 16th, 2013, 1 comment
indulge me, posted June 11th, 2013, 1 comment
I shouldn't write tonight, posted May 29th, 2013, 1 comment
Let's Go Thunder!!!, posted April 27th, 2013
overwhelmed, posted April 2nd, 2013
I have 2 experiences I wish to share, posted March 13th, 2013
happy st pats!!! or life is good, posted March 11th, 2013, 1 comment
here i am again, posted February 25th, 2013
Feb 13, posted February 13th, 2013
accomplishments?, posted January 25th, 2013
Maybe I'm a little scared, posted January 21st, 2013
how?, posted January 21st, 2013, 3 comments
what did i do with my extra day off, posted January 18th, 2013
2013 random thoughts so far, posted January 7th, 2013
Tying up loose ends, posted January 3rd, 2013
My son, posted December 20th, 2012
Sometimes I don't understand, posted December 14th, 2012
I'm such an effing cry baby, posted December 10th, 2012
it aint easy being green, posted December 5th, 2012
why is everything a fight?, posted December 4th, 2012
I am beat!!, posted November 30th, 2012
old lady in a jazzy chair fites crime, posted November 26th, 2012
"The girls are all right" or " What I am thankful for this Thanksgiving", posted November 22nd, 2012
My birthday, posted November 17th, 2012
happy halloween or 10 candy wrappers and bowl of candy or wah wah, posted October 31st, 2012
Just fine by me, posted October 18th, 2012
today was a beautiful day, posted October 16th, 2012, 1 comment
Yea...that's great...really, posted October 11th, 2012, 1 comment
this day, posted September 26th, 2012, 1 comment
Ijustneed2getmyassback2thecar, posted September 13th, 2012
Great day, posted September 10th, 2012, 1 comment
I should want to reconcile...., posted September 6th, 2012, 1 comment
just a nice visit for labor day..., posted September 3rd, 2012
every other week, posted August 30th, 2012, 2 comments
just one of those days, posted August 29th, 2012
If i won the lottery...., posted August 27th, 2012
I want to know what it's like where you live....., posted August 23rd, 2012, 4 comments
unexpected....., posted August 22nd, 2012
Had a beer with my Dad last night..., posted August 20th, 2012, 2 comments
She leaves tomorrow....where was she last night?, posted August 17th, 2012
stuck for 6 weeks in front of the tv, posted August 16th, 2012
just dinner, right?, posted August 15th, 2012
The last time..., posted August 13th, 2012
BlogrollHere are some friends' blogs...
HelpEmbed Photos Embed Videos