I'm such an effing cry baby | ijustneed2talk's Blog

I missed answering my phone when the nurse called from the doctors office. Only 3 minutes had passed from the time she left the message to the time I called back. So important news that was too time consuming or no big deal and she gets back with me in the morning. Hmmmm. I will have to see. It was irritating, i cried.

Out shopping and the thought of buying presents was just overwhelming. i spent so much effort and stress in the past on this. I like material things but i hate materialism. I am uncertain how much emphasis to place on an object that will not be around by next year. i feel so defeated at the exercise of shopping for it all. I don't want a present and i am not giving you a present. I don't want to wish my life away but I just want the holiday to pass. I should work for someone but I just want to be. I have no plans. i don't want to make plans. I just want to pass some pleasant time with  my kids and maybe have some wine with my parents. I'm just silently crying as I walk the aisles of walmart. 
(being there is reason enuf to cry...but i needed stuff)

I went about my day doing things. taking care of stuff. At various times, the tears ,wtf?

finally, i went out to starbucks with my daughter. She talked me into it. halfway through my cup...i thought oh that's what was going on. she is a regular regular there. They all know her name. her own personal CHeers. I visited with a dude whom she has befriended. He is thinking about becoming a nurse. I got to sell it. i got to talk about why i love it so much. He would be perfect. He has a useless expensive degree and can do a fasttrack program. I am always thrilled to talk about my job. 

then the message popped up on the iphone. "will you remarry me on 12/12/12?" I choked back the tears but baby girl knew something was wrong. I made my way to the bathroom and then ...the tears

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